Appointments with Self

I've become proficient at filling my calendar. Filled with appointments for expansion, collaboration and development, my calendar reflects my drive to create. Now I need to add myself into the mix. Planning appointments with myself without guilt or explanation. Even if it's just to grab a coffee, getting out away from the computer and remembering that I matter. The emails will wait an hour or two. The ideas will still be there waiting to be formed and passed along. This quarantine has taken it's toll and I've finally hit a wall. I realize how little alone time I actually have. We are all exhausted from it all. But I can see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel and I'm ready to be ready. Ready to step out into the world and remember who I am. And all of these relationships I've managed to build during this craziness will mean all the more when we see each other in person. It's coming, it's coming...

What Does it Take to Make it?

I don't know, I'm not there yet. But where is there? Maybe I've already arrived and I just haven't slowed down enough to take a look around. Maybe it's because there doesn't look like what I thought it would? What a year to take on a music organization. After being run for 30+ years by a life long friend, the challenge was already wrapped up in the package. Introducing myself to a community who adored my predecessor was probably the most terrifying thing I've ever done. My social anxiety hit some seriously high marks but I came out on the other side, prepared to move forward. Then, corona virus hits. Ok, now redesign everything. But we've made it to the WCS 40th Annual Conference being put on virtually. So many incredible people involved. I'm sure my family feels I've dropped off the edge of the earth and truth be told I feel like I have. I'm fully focused on my spread sheets, making sure nothing and no one is missed. Answering emails, processing financials, fielding phone calls and reaching out to collaborate with some super creative and inspiring artists. I feel lucky. So, I guess in that last little bit I see where my there is and it looks exactly like I thought it would. So, what does it take to make it? Slow down and look around, you may already be there. 

REGISTER HERE:  https://www.westcoastsongwriters.org/2020-conference

Big Basin

 

Sometimes you have to break in order to grow. I must admit, I'm feeling a bit broken these days. The fire in Big Basin and the suffering of all those affected by these fires finally brought me to my knees. As I type this, I can't keep the tears from flowing. I grew up in Boulder Creek, surrounded by those majestic redwoods with all the magic they brought. Ferns, creeks, animals, berries and trails I ran along with my friends. I had a lot of freedom as a child. We explored those woods playing out whole stories, swimming in the rivers and actually trying to get lost. Laying in beds of clover just staring up through the branches. I can smell the forest floor and hear the blue jays. This feels like a death. Someone mentioned the resiliency of the redwoods, and I will hold onto that. In the heart of the Santa Cruz Mountains, they stand resilient, my memories are strong and I'll borrow their strength. I love you Big Basin.

Love and Space

 

It's the first day alone here at the house. Michael and the kids have all made their way back to Ohio to spend time with Michael's family. And, although I miss him terribly, I know how much this time means to him. Between our brief exchanges, there is so much time to love that empty space. He shares a picture here and there, memories from his childhood or even before. Just being a soft place to fall and listen. This is not my story and I feel very lucky to be in this man's life. To just support where it's needed and step back when it is not. Molly made him a reflective playlist before he left and I can hear the songs in my mind, knowing how overwhelmed he is. These life moments are precious and painful. I'm holding his hand across the country and loving him through this empty space. 

Just Me and the Cat

I asked Molly to get up early with me but my version of early and hers are two very different ideas. Michael's out of town for work so I'm the coffee maker. French press with cinnamon, delicious fall flavor in the midst of summer. It's always when things get hot and begin to dry out, when gardens are starting to burst, that I begin to imagine fall. The doors are open to let in the cool morning air. I think I can hear my little fountain over the fan humming through the floor below Oliver's bedroom. These days can feel monotonous with no way to break them up with a nice lunch out or a trip to the store. These things are not available to us any longer. Or, at least, not without a mask. So I've been creating my own oasis here at home. New outdoor furniture coming so we can enjoy "dining out" quite literally. Along with the furniture, we've installed a large blue umbrella, misters, pots of beautiful flowers and the aforementioned fountain. But it's much harder on my new adults. Aside from the ridiculously sad ending to Molly's senior year, how can either of them move forward to create lives for themselves? Stuck here staring at mom and dad is not the deal. Molly tells me to stop baking. My go to comfort is to fill the house with yummy smells. The kind where you taste the butter before you've even removed it from the oven. Two polar thoughts going on in this house, our dining room is now a gym and yet I'm baking as if the holidays were upon us. It's hard to imagine the holidays this year. No family visits, no dining room table (I actually cried when Michael packed it up and took it to the storage unit), no place to put a tree...so I guess I bake to make everything feel grounded? Well, whatever the case, Molly tells me to stop. Oh, wait, I can hear the fountain!

Another Summer, Long Ago

 I feel the fall approaching. Cool morning air, grape vines with drying leaves and the community gardens being prepped for winter greens are all signs here in the Shire.
 This season is definitely a favorite of mine. The light changes casting dreamy shadows along the paths. The nuts are falling from the trees, the sunflowers have tipped and the last red tomatoes are mixed in with many that will never turn.

 All those green tomatoes! I made a delicious mincemeat with them years ago. The coffee cake listed under my recipes section is filled with the spiced mixture. I don't bake as much anymore, kids are older and I'm so much busier but I love that I can look back through this blog at their childhood.
 I'm terrible at taking photos or creating scrapbooks, always just in the moment. This is a nice glimpse of some very precious years.

Slow Sourdough

There are few things more grounding than the smell of bread baking in the morning. While our lives continue to grow busier, making the home a sanctuary is really important to me. Boundaries with creativity, people and my own need to please are a must. There is nothing happening that is worth losing sleep over or obsessing about. Just taking little bites and chewing slowly. More shall be revealed. Just keep putting your shoes on. Toasted sourdough with butter and honey doesn't hurt either.

Missing a Piece

When you walk instead of run you notice more. Sometimes you forget all the you have around you and I'm surrounded by so much beauty. I realized how much I've missed this creative outlet. Maybe it's the summer and all the gardens so full that inspire me. Maybe it's one child moving out and another moving into her senior year. Maybe it's the busyness of my new path that takes me further and further away from the role of homemaker. But, I miss those simple days at times. Although I'm enjoying the natural forward movement, I need to look back now and again to remember all I've been able to experience. Homeschooling days are done, reading books before bed and slow walks to watch the chickens are not a part of my present or future. But I can take little pieces with me. One little piece for today, a wild yeast experiment for Sunday sourdough.

Hot Days Ahead

It's a challenge to keep the house cool on such hot days. The routine of opening the house in the early morning and running the house fan is becoming familiar. Waiting to cook and run appliances until after sundown is more difficult. I predict there will be a lot of outdoor cooking this summer and I'm looking forward to using the summer garden veggies. Only a couple more weeks of school left and we will adapt to a new routine. Walk before the heat and spend the rest of the day at the pool with a picnic in tow.

It's a Beautiful Day

Morning walk
Winding paths
Sunlit fig leaves
Red cherries
Music meanders
Gentle guitar plays
On a balcony
A Grandmother rocks a newborn babe

Now, it's time to bake bread.

Garden Breakfast

Before delving into the monotonous chores, I decided to get a little more creative with my breakfast and use up some of those greens my Aunt gave me yesterday. Beet greens sautéed with red onions and garlic, topped with a poached egg and a Dijon vinaigrette seemed like a good start to the day. Ok, now I can move on.

Greens

 

Our refrigerator was lacking in the veggie department but thankfully I ran into my Aunt on my walk this morning, she enthusiastically loaded me down with armfuls of greens and turnips. The cleaning process can be tedious so I do them all at once, prepping for the week versus going through the process daily. Our own garden is mostly in with many tomatoes and basil still happy even after all the wind the other day. A few peppers, some oregano, thyme and lavender will complete my view from the kitchen window. Bring on the summer bounty!

Reconnecting

Our 4th home in the Shire, feeling so much more connected in this new space. I'm eager to get tomatoes, basil, peppers, thyme, oregano and eggplant in the ground right outside my kitchen window. Without air-conditioning we are forced into new patterns, opening doors and windows early in the morning and turning the house fan on to draw in the cool air before closing up and drawing the blinds. By 8pm we let the delta breeze do their work, blowing out the sunbaked house. I'm actually enjoying the smells and sounds of the neighborhood; flowers are blooming the neighbors occasionally play their fiddles out in their courtyard and the children play in the lane. I'm appreciating and rediscovering my Village.

Apple Butter Bread

How could this not be good? I mean, come on! I made apple butter back in the fall and I had so much left. What to do? Bake bread of course! Dark, moist and spicy, hot from the oven and slathered with butter. Oliver had invited a friend over after school and I just happened to be baking this bread and making a chicken soup. The house smelled ridiculously good. Needless to say, I think his friends might be popping by more often. Want to stay close to your teens? Bake and provide space.

• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 3/4 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves

• 1/3 cup butter, softened
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 egg
• 1 1/4 cups apple butter
• 1/2 cup raisins
• 1/2 cup chopped walnuts

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease a 8x4x2-inch loaf pan.
2. Mix flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, nutmeg, and cloves in a bowl.
3. Beat the butter and sugar with an electric mixer in a separate large bowl until smooth. Add the egg and apple butter; continue beating until smooth. Mix in the flour mixture until just incorporated. Fold in the raisins and walnuts; mixing just enough to evenly combine. Pour into prepared loaf pan.
4. Bake in the preheated oven until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean, 40 to 50 minutes. Cool in the pans for 10 minutes before removing to cool completely on a wire rack.

The Business of Home

I know so many bread winners, especially fathers, will relate to this image. You come home after working a job that hasn't evolved past the cave age to your cozy abode only to be smacked in the face by an exhausted mother looking for you to take over. It doesn't matter that you've worked all day, the business of home awaits. I just want you bread winners to know that I know, but it doesn't matter. I still need your support, I still need a partner and I don't want to always be the one towing the line for our little business. But, I do have compassion. You're burning the candle at both ends as did so many fathers before you. Our fathers and grandfathers must have felt much of the same. Where do we find the balance? When will the employment of families in our country get the importance of a healthy balance? All I can say, is make sure to stand up, speak up. There is no award for working the longest and hardest day, the reward is in your wife/husbands smile and your child's giggle.

Aging with Grace

Who know's how long it will last, maybe always, maybe I'll dye it again in the next week. I'm growing accustomed to my grey hair and actually kinda liking it. Going on 40, it feels so good to be ok with where I am. I don't need to compete with the college girls in town (as if I could), I can be right where I am. It's not a forced feeling either, I'm really diggin' it. That's not to say that I won't want to mix things up and pick a new color, I love change, it's who I am. I've never been satisfied by stagnation. But, to actually be at a place where I completely love where I am in the aging process is tear inducing. My kids can see their mom loving and confident in her life, this is good. Now, must work in some yoga and exercise. The pounds are creeping back with all the Fall comfort foods! Love to you mama's! Poppy Peach

Zuccotti Park

Our Kickstarter video is ready for viewing and your contributions are very much appreciated! http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1858284022/zuccotti-park

Zuccotti Park

This is the teaser for our Kickstarter video for "Zuccotti Park", a musical about the beginnings of the Occupy Movement. Look for our Kickstarter project next week to help bring this to the stage!

Welcome Back to Zuccotti Park

This is the project I'm currently working on. I wasn't involved in the Occupy Movement at all, so the fact that this play has moved me so much is a testament to the writing skills of Catherine Hurd and the musical talents of the composer Vatrena King. Here's the post on Facebook. Please come over and "like" the page to help support us in getting it to the stage!


Zuccotti Park the Musical dramatizes the beginnings of the Occupy Movement and provides an entertaining education of how money works. WE are not liberals, conservatives, Democrats or Republicans. WE ARE THE 99%! ZUCCOTTI PARK is OUR story.
Description
Written by Catherine Hurd with music by Vatrena King, Zuccotti Park the Musical investigates, informs and moves us through the experiences and backstories of the Occupy protesters. It answers the question, "Why are you protesting?", and keeps alive the flame of Occupy's message for those who participated in the movement, for those who supported the movement, and for those who were confused and questioning and knew about the movement only through the biased prism of mainstream media. This play is extremely moving and at times funny as we follow the protesters, and also follow the money trail. 

Shelling Peas

Traditional Green

Each pod contains the little treasures and though the task could be seen as tedious, for me, it's such a simple pleasure. I picture a southern woman with a tall glass of iced tea, a large ceramic bowl in her lap, swinging on a front porch in the humid warmth shelling away the late afternoon. My grandmother used to try to get me to eat my peas by making a nest of mashed potatoes, spooning the peas into the middle and adding a big pat of butter. She would use her stern, usually gentile, southern voice to coax me but I was stubborn. Now I love the sweet little green veggies but mostly I just

Yellow Peas

Nature's so Perfect

love shelling them with Molly.